Chapter 14
“Jasper, the reason she never told you was because she cared. She didn’t want your grief for your parents to hurt even more,” came the distant voice. “But what about you? Did you ever realize she lost her parents too? That she was in just as much pain?”
The words echoed, growing fainter, as if from the end of a long tunnel.
“You poured every ounce of your anger and heartbreak onto her. But what about her? The guilt and agony–she was right there as her parents died. Who could she turn to all these years?”
With nowhere to release it, all that pain just pressed down on her, heavier and heavier, until it turned into an illness that no one could see.
Suddenly, Jasper Green felt unsteady on his feet.
The voice on the other end didn’t let up. “Seven years ago, there are clear records. Claire stayed home that night to prepare your birthday dinner. She couldn’t have known there’d be an earthquake. All this time, have you really not believed her? Or is it just too hard to accept that your parents‘ deaths weren’t only her fault–but yours as well? So you just closed your eyes, blaming Claire for being reckless, for killing your parents?”
That last, fragile layer of denial finally shattered.
Jasper felt it–a raw, burning pain in his chest.
He simply couldn’t accept that there was no one in this world, who could truly be blamed for his parents‘ deaths.
It had just been a tragic accident.
Dr. Main let out a weary sigh. “All these years, Claire’s suffering has been far worse than yours. You say you worry about her, but have you? Have you ever wondered if she could bear it?”
Jasper could barely hear the voice anymore. Instead, the words he’d hurled at her over and over for years exploded in his mind:
“Claire Green, why wasn’t it you who died?”
“Claire Green, why are you the one still alive?”
She’d had so many accidents–food poisoning, slipping and falling into icy water, tumbling from a cliff’s edge. Were they really all just accidents?
No. No, they weren’t.
He couldn’t accept losing his parents. So he’d turned his anger into a weapon, stabbing the only family he had left–again and again–right where his parents had tried so desperately to protect
her.
He never stopped to think that they should have leaned on each other, that they should have helped each other heal.
Chapter 14
He never remembered that she’d only been fifteen.
For seven years, her suffering had been a living hell, worse than anyone else’s.
Jasper Green’s hands shook as he covered his face, finally breaking down.
He knew, then–she wasn’t coming back.
She’d settled overseas. She’d finally decided to let him go.
He’d lost his parents.
And now, he’d managed to lose his little sister too–the one who used to look at him like he was
her whole world.
The night Frederick Austin and I landed in Norway, after the hospital admission paperwork was done, I felt the displacement seep into my bones. Maybe it was being in a foreign country, but I felt uneasy, restless.
Lying on the narrow cot beside Frederick’s bed, the nightmare returned, just as it had so many times before.
I was trapped beneath rubble, my parents‘ gentle voices echoing from some old recording. Suddenly, crimson blood snaked through the debris like a viper, slowly, menacingly swallowing my feet. Blood–red. Relentless.
Then the scene shifted–two bodies, pulled from the ruins.
Jasper’s voice, hoarse and wild: “Claire Green, why wasn’t it you?”
And then, in the nightmare, my parents appeared before me, covered in blood, their eyes full of disappointment.
“Claire, why did you have to stay home that night? Why did you kill them?”
“Claire, weren’t we good enough to you?”
“Claire, why…?”
I jolted awake.
The hospital room was silent, save for the steady beeping of the monitors.
Just like a thousand sleepless nights before, I sat up, staring into the darkness outside the window.
Why was I still alive? I didn’t deserve to be.
Frederick Austin slept soundly in the next bed. With his transplant surgery so close, he needed every bit of rest and peace he could get.
This was the most critical stretch. I was supposed to be here for him. I’d promised.
But that twisted voice inside me began to claw and pull again, ugly and demanding.
04
Chapter 14
I couldn’t stop myself. I left the room.
Norwegian winters were just as bitter as home. Out on the rooftop, the wind whipped around me, beckoning, coaxing me toward the edge.
It whispered that if I jumped, I’d see my parents again. I could repent. I could finally atone, and the pain would end.
I walked to the edge, gripped the cold railing, reached out into the dense, bottomless fog. For a heartbeat, I lost control and lifted one foot, ready to climb over.
Then a gentle voice called out behind me. “Claire.”
That monstrous voice inside me scattered, as if caught in the act.
I snapped back, turning toward the sound.
Frederick stood at a distance, not rushing over, just watching me with a warm, steady gaze. “Admiring the stars?” he asked softly. “The doctor said there’s a form that needs a relative’s signature. You know I don’t have any family, so I need your help.”
It was a lie.
It was the middle of the night–only the night nurse was still on duty.
But he said he didn’t have any family.
His heart surgery was about to begin–his only real chance at survival.
Frederick looked at me for a long moment, then raised his voice just a little, teasing, “Hey, I made you a promise. Once the surgery’s over, I’ll keep living my life, I swear. You…”
The wind tugged at his coat, tousled his hair.
I remembered the day I first met him. He’d brought me home, then lied about going out to buy groceries. Instead, he’d gone to the river–but in the end, he really did come back, fish in hand, just like he’d promised.
We stood at opposite ends of the rooftop, separated by the heavy, silent night. For a long time, neither of us spoke.
Finally, he called out, louder this time, “Hey, Claire! Remember our deal? We’re going to keep living–together. It’d be pretty boring if I was the only one left, you know.”
My tears spilled over. The wind caught them, whipped my hair into my eyes, then swept it away again.
I managed a shaky smile. “I just came up to look at the stars. Forgot the weather’s terrible–couldn’t see a thing.”
Frederick stepped closer, reached out his hand. “Come on down,” he said gently. “Let me help you.”
3/3
Chapter 15
I froze.
